


Worry

by magickbeing



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: #lovewins, M/M, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 14:05:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4224582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magickbeing/pseuds/magickbeing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer is on the verge of a panic attack before his wedding. They both know what he needs. Derek.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Worry

**Author's Note:**

> For my moreid + ____ challenge on my tumblr: derekanthonymorgan.

He's being absolutely ridiculous. _Absolutely ridiculous_ and yet he can't stop pacing. His lungs are on fire and his heart-rate is erratic and tight and he _hurts._ His hands are startling to tingle and he's trying to focus on each breath, each blessed breath, and tries pushing the dream from his mind. _It had just been a dream and Derek isn't going to leave him at the alter and it's going to be fine._ Derek _wants_ him. Someone _wants_ him and _loves_ him and _he has to trust that._ Everything is going to be fine — that is, of course, if he doesn't pass out before the ceremony.

 

JJ tries calming him down, of course. But there's nothing she can do.

 

They both know what he needs.

 

He needs _Derek_ but he _can't see him before the ceremony_ and, “I know it's just an old wives' tale but statistics have shown a correlation between divorce rates and those who saw their spouses before the wedding and did you know that the—“

 

“Breathe, Spence. Breathe. _”_

 

Her hands rest on either shoulder. He stops and sucks in a stuttering breath, throat tight, and there's worry in her eyes and _he hates worrying people._

 

“Just—try to breathe, okay? Derek won't see you, I promise. Just — stay here and try to breathe?” She's stepping backward toward the door as she asks the question and Spencer nods obediently. He wants to ask her to stay but doesn't want to worry her more and so he refrains. The pacing begins nearly as soon as she leaves the room and it feels like an eternity before there's a patterned knock on the door, a beat well-known, and Spencer feels cold, his stomach dropping.

 

“You can't come in here!” he shouts, voice strained. _It's Derek. It has to be Derek and he can't see him and —_

 

The door opens a crack anyway and it's JJ's voice that reaches his ears: “He won't see you, Spence. I promise — trust me?”

 

He tries to shake some feelings into his hands.

 

There's a pause and then he's managing an answer: “Y-yeah.”

 

He can't do anything _but_ trust JJ. He's trusted her with his life — surely he can trust her with this, too?

 

“That statistic — it involves _both_ partners seeing each other, right?”

 

A crease forms along his brow. What does that have to do with anything?

 

“Yeah, but —“

 

“— okay, then _trust me._ ”

 

Spencer presses his lips into a thin line and tries drawing in another deep, steadying breath, the pressure in his chest constant and almost teasing. He would almost rather just _hyperventilate and get it over with than endure this._ But then the door is opening further and Derek is stepping into the room and _damn._

 

Spencer's mouth dries and his heart feels as if it's relocated to his throat.

 

He’s dressed in a two-button jacket with a 100’s peak lapel and matching slacks and it’s cut _brilliantly_ to fit his person. It’s nearly identical to Spencer’s, although he’s donned in black with grey accents underneath, whereas his own are royal purple, and, well — Derek is _gorgeous._

  
 

_Frilly pink eye-mask with painted on eyelashes and all._

 

Penelope's, Spencer speculates.

 

Derek takes a tentative step forward, the door shutting behind him. His arms jut out in front of his person, hands searching blindly for his partner, and Spencer takes a quick step forward, his hands finding his. Warmth shoots through his arms at the mere touch and already he can feel his anxieties crumbling.

 

“Oh, I can touch you, then?” Derek teases, a smile forming around the words.

 

Spencer manages to answer with a smile of his own.

  
“Yeah — yeah. Do you... do you even need to ask that?”

 

He tries to keep his voice as light and teasing as Derek's but _he_ can even tell that its pitch is off, scratchy and _wrong_ and Derek's smile softens at its sound. His fingers tickle against his palms and then Derek is shifting closer, hands settling on either of Spencer's hips. _His lungs ache but don't burn and he swallows thickly, wishing he could see the reassurance in Derek's eyes but simultaneously happy JJ listened._

 

“Mm —“ it's more of a noise in the back of his throat than a word, “but am I right in assuming kissing is out of the question?”

 

Spencer manages to chuckle.

 

“Y-yeah. For now.”

 

Derek nods and the angle of his face changes to match the source of Spencer's voice. His smile melts further yet, disappearing almost entirely, but his voice is far from unkind when he repeats those two words: “For now.” A brief pause and then, “There's nothing to be nervous about, Spencer. I've waited ten years to see you at the end of that aisle — I'm not leaving until it happens...” Derek's lips twitch into another smile, softer than before, all love and affection and although Spencer can't see his eyes, he knows the emotion would consume dark, caramel irises. His own lips twitch against an answering smile and his arms come up to wrap around Derek's neck and shoulders, drawing him closer. Derek moves on instinct, his hands stirring to settle against the small of his back. “So. Don't make me wait too long, okay?”

 

Spencer lets out a slow, deliberate breath, and his shoulders don't tremble under its weight.

  
“Wouldn't dream of it,” he mutters.

 

He's pulled closer yet as soon as the last syllable escapes his mouth and he closes his eyes, his chin hooking over Derek's shoulder as he just breathes him in.

 

 _Derek isn't going to leave him at the alter and it's going to be fine. Derek_ wants _him._

 

And _he_ wants _Derek._ More than anything he's wanted in a _very_ long time.

 

*

 

His lungs tighten as he starts down the aisle but _it's for an entirely different reason._ He can see it clearly then — the utter devotion shining in Derek's eyes, even from there, and his heart is in his throat again _but he can breathe_ and he's fairly certain he's smiling but he can't be certain because his face feels a bit numb but — but that's okay. Derek is waiting for him and his friends and family are there and _everything is okay._

 

The walk is a contradiction, an eternity wrapped up in a few seconds, a few beats of music, and then Derek's hand is twitching forward to find his.

 

There's a sigh in the confession: “Definitely worth waiting for.”

 

Spencer's grin widens, his eyes searching his as fingers tighten around his own.

 

“You... you should have kept the mask,” he teases, the word vomit coming out on its own accord.

 

Laughter spreads through the small space and Spencer can feel his face with startling clarity then, cheeks heating a brilliant pink. _He had forgotten about the microphone_ but the most prominent laughter is Derek's and it laces his tone when he counters, “What, you got jokes now?”

 

Spencer coughs out a laugh, the embarrassment thick in its wave, but his grin never fades.

 

He nods.

 

“Yeah. Yeah — I do.”

 

The importance of those two words in that moment cause his stomach to flip and Derek's smile is _just_ as wide when he replies.

 

“Good. Can't wait.”


End file.
